I dont understand it. It seems like again its going to be
happening. Today i try to set up this thing so i can have to yahoo
messengers up at once. I ask my gf for her password so i can use it.
Out of nowhere she gets a message from some guy saying that the last
time they talked she didn’t think we were going to last. Im devestated.
The girl i love with all my heart has betrayed me. Lately she has been
saying were not getting married (which is weird because we ALWAYS talk
about it), she is very skiddish when it comes to her computer like
there is something im going to find, and she has been saying guys are
hot on tv. She never does all this. Shes always completely honest with
me and seems to love me with all my heart. This girl is all i have all
i need and all i ever want. I have been through hell and back for this
girl. I took the fall for all of her mistakes and her bad experiences.
She always says she would die without me. Im beginning to think shes
would quiet the opposite. She would live happily. I seem to drag her
down or i dont know exactly. She just doesnt want me anymore. My heart
is completely crushed. Noone makes me feel the way that that beautiful
girl does when she walks in my room, or in any room for that matter. I
know i have had my faults and i can be an ass sometimes. But i can
admit it and sometimes it seems like everything is her fault but its
not. She should know that. Life is beginning to teach me to trust noone
and live for myself. Everytime i fall for a girl she hurts me. Noone
makes me feel like her and noone ever will i dont think so maybe its
time for me to just leave. Find a place to myself and be happy by
myself. If thats possible without her. I dont understand because i want
so much for her that i cant give her but i try anyway. I cant buy her
roses, i cant take her out, because i dont have the money. Money keeps
me from doing the things i want  for her. Im not that creative to just
come up with things. But i want them for her. Maybe this is my lesson.
Just let people be and love myself.

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