yep

especially since you didn’t clarify if it was nine year old girls or boys

A Born Salesman!

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.

I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him. "How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says "One".

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.

How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.65".

The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOATand a TRUCK? Is that right?"

The kid answered, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot; you should go fishing.' "

.....I want to hire this kid

Babs and Skee, hilarious jokes. Made my day! Thanks!

HEAVEN

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. Under the new law, in order to get into Heaven, the
day you died had to have been a real bummer of a day. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

The next day at

 
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on
my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having
an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began
searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto
the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips! The nerve of that guy! "

 
"Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees
and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.

 
This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the
first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the
first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it
out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25
stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that
I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

 
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a
bad day. It was a crime of passion. So the Angel announced, "OK, sir.
Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

 
A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can
let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
"No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe
this.  I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.
I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to
relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and
accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by
the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy
man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my
fingers.

Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. Laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.
"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very
well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the

 
A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says,
"Please tell me how you died."

 
The third man says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a
refrigerator......."

A friend of mine who is a big fan of Lewis Carroll sent me this one a while ago:

Did you hear that Greenspan made an announcement today?

He said:


"`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths Fifty Basis Points"

What the F#@$?  

Doberman, I'm glad you liked them. Sometimes I wonder if others share my sense of humor. Here's a new one:

Political Correctness

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading <?:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."<?:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

Women and Political Correctness:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN." 

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

Men and Political Correctness: 

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

A lawyer and a farmer were walking in a field. The farmer had on
high boots and the lawyer had on a pair of $500 shoes.

Soon the lawyer steps both feet into what looks like a cow pie. He
exclaims, "What is this?"

The farmer replies, “I’m not sure, but it looks to me like you’re
melting.”

C’mon cut it out! I’m laughing so hard, burbon is coming out of my nose and it BURNS!

A man walks into an insurance office and asks
for a job.

“We don’t need any one,” they replied.

“You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone
anytime anything.”

"Well, we do have two prospects that no one has
been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone for about two hours and returned and
handed them two checks, one for a $80,000 policy
and another for a $50,000 policy.

“How in the world did you do that,” they asked.

“I told you I’m the world’s best salesman, I can sell
anyone anywhere anytime.”

“Did you get a urine sample?” they asked him.

“What’s that?” he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $40,000, the company
requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles
and go back and get urine samples."

He was gone for about eight hours and then he walks
in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand.
He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt
pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets
them on the desk and says, “Here’s Mr. Brown’s and
this one is Mr. Smith’s.”

“That’s good,” they said, “but what’s in those two
buckets?”

“Well, I passed by the hotel and they were
having a state teachers convention and I sold
them a group policy!”

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He cheated on me from the beginning.

When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job more than four years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars, play golf, cruise around, and shoot the breeze with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter graduated from college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed,

Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York, act like it.

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullsh*t and Ass kissing that will put you over the top

Dedicated to Put Trader..... all in good fun of course

Hey Babs, that “math viewpoint” sounds like a motivational poster if I’ve ever heard one!

WARNING: NOT FUNNY, IF YOU OWN GM.

The 2005 GM health plan for retirees spent $17 million in prescription fees for Viagra! 

Gives new meaning to the term, "Dirty Old Men".

In a recent survey 40% found they didn't have time to answer the
question, 25% hung up the phone when the question was being
asked, 20%  couldn't speak English, and 15% gave answers that
weren't asked.

For those with a military background:

AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced
yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate."

The raise was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed one of
France's white flag factories, disabling their military.

***************************************************

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two,
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine
approach."

Heard on Paul Harvey radio show today:

England has begun removing prison toilets that face Mecca. (Seems it offends their Moslem criminals.) The toilets will be re-installed, so that the "sitter" will be facing away from Mecca, while they do their business.

A quick survey of the toilets in my house show that they all face EAST! YES!! Take that Al-Queda?!!

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable, but actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:

"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

Heard on Paul Harvey radio show today:

In Hungary, some men were renovating an old house. During the renovation, they found an old barrel full of rum stored in the house. So, while doing the renovation, they helped themselves to the rum; eventually emptying the barrel. When they went to dispose of the empty barrel, a pickled, human body fell out of it. The barrel of rum was 20 years old and had been shipped from Jamaica.

The workers reported that the rum had a strange flavor to it.