This Should Be Interesting
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I have a client event planned in a few weeks.
What might make this event "different" from the previous ones I've held, is the appearance of two recently divorced clients. They were my clients when they were married (to each other) and both remained my clients after the divorce. However, it was a very ugly, very public divorce. When I say ugly, I mean ugly.
The ex-husband has indicated that he's bringing a guest. No doubt the guest will be the "floozie/hereford/jezzabel"* his wife caught him with. The ex-wife has not indicated she will be bringing a guest.
The divorce was only 2 months ago. Hmmm, maybe I should hire security and have metal detectors set-up at the entrance.
Anyone else handle a similar situation? I've considered calling both parties and telling them that their ex- will be there, as well. Warning them ahead of time, so to speak.
I wouldn't mind my event making the news, just not starting with the phrase, "Police were called to ...."
* - Southern derogatory expressions.
Jezzabel, eh???? I think I may have to use that one out here.... Although it will probably be met with the usual confused expression I get....
In all seriousness, I would simply alert both parties to the situation, and perhaps one would decid eagainst attending... Perhaps email format would work the best....
I definately want to hear how this goes. I'll be in the exact same situation this September.
Anyone else handle a similar situation? I've considered calling both parties and telling them that their ex- will be there, as well. Warning them ahead of time, so to speak
NO!! It was probably bad enough being involved in their personal life the first time. I wouldn't call them. They probably want you to take sides anyway, especially the scorned wife to try to get even with the husband and the new floozy. I would alert my assistant to try to keep the two of them separated during the event and if things really get ugly you could ask to speak privately and in nice words ask them to get the *#ck over it and act like adults in public. Ask them to be the better man/woman.
You need to take the high road. After all if they make a spectacle of themselves you want to be perceived as cool calm and collected. Professional detachment. Your other clients will admire you for it.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Hulk…
Invite their attornies AND the local paper…
If I were either of the divorced people I would pull my account because
I would not want to think I was dealing with an advisor who was so out
of touch with common courtesy that he or she would invite my ex spouse
to a function while also inviting me.
If I were there and knew either of the divorced people I would pull my
account because I would not want to do business with an advisor who was
so out of touch with common courtesy that he or she would invite ex
spouses to the same affair.
If I were the financial advisor I would cancel the entire event.
I cannot imagine an easier way for somebody to blow up their book.
[quote=NASD Newbie]If I were either of the divorced people I would pull my account because
I would not want to think I was dealing with an advisor who was so out
of touch with common courtesy that he or she would invite my ex spouse
to a function while also inviting me.
If I were there and knew either of the divorced people I would pull my
account because I would not want to do business with an advisor who was
so out of touch with common courtesy that he or she would invite ex
spouses to the same affair.
If I were the financial advisor I would cancel the entire event.
I cannot imagine an easier way for somebody to blow up their book.
[/quote]
Wow you’re seriously negative!!!
I think the best way to handle it would be to call each of the parties, express your concerns and sensitivity to a clearly difficult situation, and apprise them that the other is bringing a guest…and offer to take them out(individually of course) to a nice dinner for their own ‘client appreciation night’ if they don’t feel comfortable attending your event.
[quote=babbling looney]
You need to take the high
road. After all if they make a spectacle of themselves you want to be
perceived as cool calm and collected. Professional detachment.
Your other clients will admire you for it.
I would think that the host was the most untrustworthy person at the event and transfer my account the next morning.
What an insane idea. It is not like this is a family wedding
where waring parties may be the mother and father of the groom.
Again, there is no quicker way on earth to cause you book to blow
up. The two clients both leave, pissed off at being put in that
position, and so would anybody who saw it happen or heard about it
happening.
Perhaps not right away, but can you imagine the damage done to the reputation of the host.
Stupid idea, really really stupid.
[quote=joedabrkr]
Wow you’re seriously negative!!!
I
think the best way to handle it would be to call each of the parties,
express your concerns and sensitivity to a clearly difficult situation,
and apprise them that the other is bringing a guest…and offer to
take them out(individually of course) to a nice dinner for their own
’client appreciation night’ if they don’t feel comfortable attending
your event.
[/quote]
Seriously negative? How about loaded with common courtesy and common sense.
[quote=NASD Newbie]If I were either of the divorced people I would pull my account because I would not want to think I was dealing with an advisor who was so out of touch with common courtesy that he or she would invite my ex spouse to a function while also inviting me.
If I were there and knew either of the divorced people I would pull my account because I would not want to do business with an advisor who was so out of touch with common courtesy that he or she would invite ex spouses to the same affair.
If I were the financial advisor I would cancel the entire event. I cannot imagine an easier way for somebody to blow up their book.
[/quote]
NASD,
When I first read your response, I thought it was a joke. Your negativity will kill you in this biz. If both parties can't be civil toward each other, then one will probably not show.
Dob,
I would just make sure that both parties are aware (thru general conversation) that this is a client appreciation for "all of my clients."
[quote=exEJIR]
NASD,
When I first read your response, I thought it was a joke. Your negativity will kill you in this biz. If both parties can't be civil toward each other, then one will probably not show.
Dob,
I would just make sure that both parties are aware (thru general conversation) that this is a client appreciation for "all of my clients."
[/quote]Both of the people will be uncomfortable, which makes it rude to intentionally establish such a dynamic.
As I said earlier, if this were a family wedding and the groom's parents were divorced they will be able to set aside their "issues" for the sake of their son.
However, a financial advisor's relationship with his clients is a bit more fragile than a son's relationship with his parents.
It will also cause both of them to reconsider the wisdom of doing business with this advisor. Would you want to do business with your ex-spouse's financial advisor? Seriously?
Then put yourself in the mind of a couple who is just there as a guest. Do you really believe that they won't hear the whispering, "I can't believe that they were both invited, is the host crazy?"
How does that reflect well on the host?
Where is the upside to this gathering?
[quote=NASD Newbie] [quote=babbling looney]
You need to take the high road. After all if they make a spectacle of themselves you want to be perceived as cool calm and collected. Professional detachment. Your other clients will admire you for it.
[/quote]
I would think that the host was the most untrustworthy person at the event and transfer my account the next morning.
What an insane idea. It is not like this is a family wedding where waring parties may be the mother and father of the groom.
Again, there is no quicker way on earth to cause you book to blow up. The two clients both leave, pissed off at being put in that position, and so would anybody who saw it happen or heard about it happening.
Perhaps not right away, but can you imagine the damage done to the reputation of the host.
Stupid idea, really really stupid.
[/quote]
This is just plain stupid. These are supposed to be adults. Unless they live in separate towns, I presume that they still travel in the same social circles, have friends in common, belong to common organizations and clubs and possibly have children together. The OP is having a business function and if these people can't conduct themselves in an adult manner in public that is NOT the OPs fault. There is nothing untrustworthy about having a business or public event where two childish people who can't control their emotions happen to bump into each other.
Is everyone around these two divorcees supposed to readjust their lives and tippy toe on eggshells because it might be uncomfortable for the poor injured spouses. When you have an open house event you don't usually get to choose who comes. If it is by invitation only and you pick one over the other, how is this any better? I've seen this type of idiotic behaviour before, where the ex spouse (the wife usually) tries to suck everyone into the drama and make people choose sides.
Joe's advice to take them out separately is probably good in some circumstances, but I would still stay out of their personal drama. I do find it odd that one or the other of them hasn't moved their account just to avoid these types of conflicts or the feeling that there might be a conflict of interest. If the clients feel that the advisor is able to maintain impartiality in their investment portfolio and they want to continue to do business with him that is their decision.
Sheesh. People need to grow up and act like adults and women need to quit acting like martyred drama queens.
[quote=babbling looney]
Sheesh. People need to grow up and act like adults and women need to quit acting like martyred drama queens.
[/quote]All that you wrote is true, but this is the real world.
In the real world people carry grudges, people gossip, people have standards different than yours.
The mere fact that I suggest that it’s a stupid idea indicates that at least one person thinks it’s a stupid idea.
If you were divorced would you use the same financial planner used by
your ex? I know I would not, neither would my wife (who would be
my ex). Is it worth risking two accounts?
How about clients who are there. Even if nothing happens between
the two individuals there will be “talk” among the guests about the
mere fact that they are both there. If you’ve ever been to a
wedding or funeral where there two divorced people might show up
everybody who is there wonders, before the event, if they’ll both be
there and then wonders, during the event, if something is about to
happen.
If you were giving a party and some, if not a lot, of your guests were
standing around gossiping about something such as this the entire
purpose of your party is compromised.
I am simply saying, “THINK,” think of what could happen and the
ramifications of it happening. Specifically the loss of both of
their accounts, but in addition to that the possible loss of more
accounts.
There is a vast difference between reality and what we wish reality
would be. Why in the world would anybody want to tempt the fates?
[quote=NASD Newbie] [quote=joedabrkr]Wow you're seriously negative!!!
I think the best way to handle it would be to call each of the parties, express your concerns and sensitivity to a clearly difficult situation, and apprise them that the other is bringing a guest.....and offer to take them out(individually of course) to a nice dinner for their own 'client appreciation night' if they don't feel comfortable attending your event.
[/quote]
Seriously negative? How about loaded with common courtesy and common sense.[/quote]
No, I vote for paranoid. I have a high profile couple who divorced, and client events caused no perceptible problem. As Joe suggested, they were both apprised of the other's possible attendance, and no problems came up. I lost zero accounts, and no one shamed me for including all my clients in a client appreciation event. To this day, both are loyal clients and good referral sources.
You already sound a lot like Put Easy's alter ego.
[quote=Indyone]
No, I vote for paranoid. I have a high profile couple who divorced, and client events caused no perceptible problem. As Joe suggested, they were both apprised of the other's possible attendance, and no problems came up. I lost zero accounts, and no one shamed me for including all my clients in a client appreciation event. To this day, both are loyal clients and good referral sources.
You already sound a lot like Put Easy's alter ego.
[/quote]
This is not a discussion about what we wish would happen, or even about what normally happens. It's about what could happen.
It is rude, no RUDE, to invite divorced spouses to social events. It makes them both uncomfortable. To deny that is ridiculous.
Then add that there will be whispers among the others, and those whispers will be aimed at the host for being so out of touch with social graces as to invite the two.
Manners, it's about manners. People who don't have them will never understand how those who do have them will react.
Again, it is rude, and being rude never ends well.