What if?

Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf (known for his ridiculous denials) ran a brokerage firm…

“The sales assistants have not been fired. Those metal cabinets with files are sales assistants, and every rep has at least one.”

“The public loves Wall Street right now — we have not heard any complaints for some time.”

“Fees or commissions, it is immaterial. We do not really like money.”

“Eliot Spitzer is a good friend. We have no disagreements. This money was merely a discretionary fund that we were using on eBay.”

“There is no such thing as a market bubble. How would you visualize such a bubble? It is a mirage.”

“We have not adjusted payout grids. We are using a new machine for paychecks, and it is still learning how to print numbers.”