Dudes True Identity

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Jan 25, 2006 7:35 pm

Ok, Ok, I know some of you all might actually think that those pictures I posted were me, well........ they're not.  To clear up any doubts I have a picture that a friend took the other day after a particularly grueling workout session.  I just got done benching my all time high of 800 pounds and they thought it would be great to snap a shot.  Here you all go.



Just to settle the matter.  Peace.

Jan 25, 2006 8:27 pm

My thoughts:


A picture is worth a thousand steroid shots.


I can outrun him.


I hope he doesn't cold call. He makes a better impact visually, so networking would be his best bet. Preferrably, dressed in an Italian suit (with the sleeves cut off).


I'd recommend a Bro - C cup ("Seinfeld" fans will get this one).


At seminars, he could crush a cinder block on his forehead to dramatize the effect of bad asset allocation on a portfolio.


He could sit a client down in a windowless room, look them straight in the eye, ask for FIVE SOLID referrals and GET THEM, no questions asked.


When benchpressing, this guy would never ask me to spot for him.


Never invite him to an "all you can eat" buffet. You'll be there all night!



Jan 25, 2006 9:04 pm

Now you all can understand my mood swings.  The 'roids really do ya' in.  Can you believe that I put on this kind of muscle mass in 3 months!  Here's my before picture:



This picture was taken at the beginning of September before I started on "the program" (I was benching maybe 120 lbs).  (Ok maybe it's been 4 months).  In all honesty though, it's a revolutionary all natural (no drugs) program.  It actually goes against all "accepted" doctrine when it comes to building muscle since there's very little protein in the diet and requires much less weightlifting than you'd expect.  In celebration of my achievement I had my I "heart" mom tatoo changed into a naked lady riding on a skeleton horse and had the phrase "You must believe to achieve" tatooed around my wrist in the native cherokee tounge (which I wanted to give tribute to since I'm 1/32nd cherokee). 


I think this picture is more reflective of my personality since I am actually quite a jovial guy (the most recent pic makes me look a little mean).


Anyway, with a little discipline and a grain of salt you can go a long way in life.

Jan 25, 2006 9:06 pm

Oh I should mention the lady's hair is all flames (kinda like a hot rod) and looks pretty damn intense!

Jan 25, 2006 9:23 pm

The picture was taken at the international knitting festival in stockholm, Sweden.  Man was that a great time. I know there are guys out there who would think this is weird but, it's the best way to pick up chicks, period (no competition and it makes you look sensitive).  You see there's this new trend among women out there called "stitch 'n b*tch", where a bunch of ladies (suprisingly many under the age of 30 as well) who get together to knit $hit and gab.  It get's really annoying after about 5 minutes but if you just smile and say "uh huh" alot and "Oh" and "I understand" while asking lots of questions to make them feel important (kinda like our prospects and clients) it's well worth it.  You are almost guaranteed to take home something more than a shawl or V-neck sweater vest.

Jan 25, 2006 9:28 pm

Well, I guess I have to come clean too. Here is a photo of me.  Of course this IS how I dress for success. My clients love it. Especially the guys.  Way better than cold calling on the phone don't you think?



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Jan 25, 2006 9:35 pm

Do you have the picture in a different format, I'm unable to see the pictures.

Jan 25, 2006 9:52 pm

For the guys:


If you really want to try the stitch 'n b*tch thing here are some key points:


1) you'll want to join multiple clubs ( I'm a member of 15 clubs locally) because you can't be fishin' too much from the same pond, if you know what I mean


2)  You'll have to ACTUALLY learn some basic knitting (casting on, binding off, different needles, different yarn types, stockinette, reverse stockinette etc....) for this to work, women can see through b.s. pretty well (unless you're prepared )


3) If you don't like knitting, get good at pretending; trust me the results are worth it, I was just as sucessful before I got buff at getting the ladies (I learned it's all about "connecting" ) with this approach.


4)  Quite a few wealthy women are into this as well, it makes for an interesting "niche".


5) Finally, the most important part:  You have to build the trust before you start throwin' your line out there.  Don't make any moves or look like you have ulterior motives the first month or so.


Why so much work?  Well you'll be catching a higher quality fish with much more frequency and consistency than at your local meat market.  Add a little salt and you're well on your way to a seasoned dish.


Jan 25, 2006 10:23 pm

BTW, I got my nickname "dude" from my grandmother.  She was a Hell's Angel in the early days (late 1950's through late 60's) and developed a SERIOUS drinking habit, I mean the lady is only 80 pounds and she can down a fifth of Jack Daniels!! (must be that Cherokee blood).  Anyway, she always thought it was cool to keep up with young people's trends and heard the word "Duuuuddde" one day from my friend in response to her walking in my bedroom drunk as hell in nothing but her underwear.  We were right in the middle of toking on his new 6 foot water pipe (Ahhh the days of no responsibility) and laughed our a*ses off.  Well my grandmother didn't get it and started thinking that everything was cool and next thing you know "Dude" became a staple in her vocabulary.  Evertime she'd call me she'd say "dude, check this out".  Well because my friends thought it was funny that my Grammie would call me Dude, it stuck.


Anyway, thought I'd let y'all into my world a little for what it's worth (probably not much).  Peace.

Jan 25, 2006 11:07 pm

Duuuuude.  I wanna go back in time and marry your gamma .  I never like when old people are told to "act your age"

Jan 26, 2006 8:51 am

This already made my day!

Jan 26, 2006 8:56 am

Thanks for the laugh.

Jan 26, 2006 9:37 am

BRAVO

Thanks for the humor.

Jan 26, 2006 11:05 am

you guys are all crackheads.... i love it.....

Jan 26, 2006 11:59 am


Note the frequent references to "salt".

Jan 31, 2006 4:42 pm
SonnyClips:

Dude, I bet your listening to a lot of Belle and Sebastian and Wilco now that your down with the Knitters.


I would never guess that Belle and Sebastian and Wilco would be mentioned on this board.  Weird...

Feb 1, 2006 3:30 pm

Who the heck is Belle and Sebastian?  Wilco?