Drug testing
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Ferris, it’s heroine, actually. China White, to be specific, not that
low-rent Mexican Brown. And I’m FAR from angry, I just really don’t
like you. I don’t suffer Pricks gladly, you see.
Just get a scrip for medicinal marijuana. If the refuse to hire you, you have a great medical discrimination lawsuit on your hands.
i think the only testing the man does these days at the brokerages is how far they can put their foot up you a$$ before you give in.
4x4, I actually talked with one of my buds still at Smithy B. today and got some clarification on all this. Hair and urine samples have been displaced by new technology. They are now requiring a stool sample, no less than six (6) ounces in weight, in a quart sized ziplock baggie. It needs to be pressed to a thickness of no more than .25 inch, and uniformly distributed throughout the baggie, which you will then deliver to the receptionist at the front desk of your local SB office, along with your resume, a digital photo of you producing and/or holding the sample time stamped for verification, a library card, and one woolen mitten. After giving this to the receptionist, you are to stride boldly across the waiting area and begin prospecting an existing client sitting there. (Remember, this is all part of a testing process to determine whether you’ve “got it”). The branch manager will evaluate your “package” with secret technology there in the office, and the next step should be an immediate partnership with a 78 year old Chairman’s producer in that office with no children wanting to get into the business, no registered assistant who expects to ride her wave of estrogen into production, and who recently got back a medical report giving him less time on this mortal coil than a video of a teenage Obama playing hacky sack with Yasser Arafat.
Laughed my a$$ off!!! Although I am a bit concerned that you took this much effort to paint such a clear and disgusting picture.... nevermind it was just plain f'n funny.4x4, I actually talked with one of my buds still at Smithy B. today and got some clarification on all this. Hair and urine samples have been displaced by new technology. They are now requiring a stool sample, no less than six (6) ounces in weight, in a quart sized ziplock baggie. It needs to be pressed to a thickness of no more than .25 inch, and uniformly distributed throughout the baggie, which you will then deliver to the receptionist at the front desk of your local SB office, along with your resume, a digital photo of you producing and/or holding the sample time stamped for verification, a library card, and one woolen mitten. After giving this to the receptionist, you are to stride boldly across the waiting area and begin prospecting an existing client sitting there. (Remember, this is all part of a testing process to determine whether you’ve “got it”). The branch manager will evaluate your “package” with secret technology there in the office, and the next step should be an immediate partnership with a 78 year old Chairman’s producer in that office with no children wanting to get into the business, no registered assistant who expects to ride her wave of estrogen into production, and who recently got back a medical report giving him less time on this mortal coil than a video of a teenage Obama playing hacky sack with Yasser Arafat.
4 x 4,
It could be worse, you could be applying at the new BAC/ML where they give you the "glove test", similar to the boot test, but more hands on since they are full service.[quote=GoingIndy???] 4 x 4,
It could be worse, you could be applying at the new BAC/ML where they give you the “glove test”, similar to the boot test, but more hands on since they are full service.[/quote]
That glove test sounds interesting. Do you think they would do that for me even if I’m not looking to change firms ?!?!
Maybe I am just feeling a bit freaky today? Dunno but that sounds interesting… Wonder if I pick the handler too?
Miss J
Another important question is, will Smith Barney let me put up black lights, black light posters, and lava lamps in my office?Does anyone know what kind of testing Smith Barney is doing, if it’s hair or urine?
Another important question is, will Smith Barney let me put up black lights, black light posters, and lava lamps in my office?[/quote] You mean your cube?[quote=fourbyfour]Does anyone know what kind of testing Smith Barney is doing, if it’s hair or urine?
I guess it depends on where you're office is. The original poster should look into that too, cubes would be a major buzz kill.You mean your cube?
Heard the end of a story on the radio this afternoon about some dude who got busted for dropping a septic load in the parking lot of his investment advisor's building. Wonder if that was 4x4?
I guess it depends on where you're office is. The original poster should look into that too, cubes would be a major buzz kill. [/quote] or maybe he has figured out the only way to get through the day![quote=snaggletooth]You mean your cube?
So, as I understand it, SB tests urine. Does anyone know which test, hair or urine, UBS does?
Come on People! Let's stay on topic! Your focus is admirable, 4x4.So, as I understand it, SB tests urine. Does anyone know which test, hair or urine, UBS does?
It's Mourning in Omerica, 4x4. Testing someone's hair or urine to see if that particular hair or urine has abilities which might indicate that it would be able to perform at levels higher than average hair or urine, why that's just not inclusive enough. You see, it's not about what your urine can do, or what your hair can do, it's about what all hair and urine can do together! When you take one drop of urine or one hair, by itself, all you see is a little yellow dot with a curly in it. But imagine a pool of urine, filled with a writhing mass of hair, and imagine the strength that such a collective would hold! Imagine urine and hair from young and old, gay and straight, black and white, conservative and liberal, Blue State and Red State, and think of the power! Hair and urine united in a common cause, a common purpose, a common goal. Sure, that hair and urine might be called upon to sacrifice at times, In fact, if your hair and urine have special abilities, maybe you're called upon to sacrifice a little bit more. So, be careful what you wish for, 4x4. If this "test" you crave so shows that your urine and your hair are outstanding among their peers, maybe, just maybe, you'll get to stay after class and clean the erasers for the teacher.So, as I understand it, SB tests urine. Does anyone know which test, hair or urine, UBS does?
So, does anyone know how UBS tests - urine or hair? I’m drug free, may have been exposed second hand smoke a couple months ago, which may show up on a hair test. Thanks.
[quote=2wheeledbeemer]4x4, I actually talked with one of my buds still at Smithy B. today and got some clarification on all this. Hair and urine samples have been displaced by new technology. They are now requiring a stool sample, no less than six (6) ounces in weight, in a quart sized ziplock baggie. It needs to be pressed to a thickness of no more than .25 inch, and uniformly distributed throughout the baggie, which you will then deliver to the receptionist at the front desk of your local SB office, along with your resume, a digital photo of you producing and/or holding the sample time stamped for verification, a library card, and one woolen mitten. After giving this to the receptionist, you are to stride boldly across the waiting area and begin prospecting an existing client sitting there. (Remember, this is all part of a testing process to determine whether you’ve “got it”). The branch manager will evaluate your “package” with secret technology there in the office, and the next step should be an immediate partnership with a 78 year old Chairman’s producer in that office with no children wanting to get into the business, no registered assistant who expects to ride her wave of estrogen into production, and who recently got back a medical report giving him less time on this mortal coil than a video of a teenage Obama playing hacky sack with Yasser Arafat.[/quote]
I guess this is what they mean when they refer to “Technology upgrades”
YEA!
Thanks 4x4 this thread is still alive!
a quick recap:
4x4: Does Smith Barney test for drugs?
YES
4x4: Hair or Urine
Hey Cheech, perhaps that isn’t the real issue for you
4x4: oh ok, so um, what does UBS test for, hair or urine?
Hey Robert Downey jr, you still don’t get it…
4x4: right, well it wasn’t me, but a stoner dude I know he might have been near me and that’s how I would be testing positive…
My friend, perhaps the white collar world isn’t suited for you. Unless you are looking to launder money for your colombian friends. Perhaps you can start an office ultimate frisbee team, or kick the hacky sack in your cubicle…