Weekend Joke
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The perfect gift for the perfect wife…
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f5ecf65b2e/the-perfect-gift-from-ugly-boy I'm still laughing...I'm a sick man...For whatever reason, I found this pretty funny: http://video.yahoo.com/network/100000089?v=2183321&l=100022574
Here’s one for the bikers…definitely don’t miss the action at the end of the video…this guy is a complete moron…
http://jalopnik.com/5103219/biker-busted-for-speeding-tries-to-fight-the-law-and-guess-who-won[quote=Indyone]Here’s one for the bikers…definitely don’t miss the action at the end of the video…this guy is a complete moron…
http://jalopnik.com/5103219/biker-busted-for-speeding-tries-to-fight-the-law-and-guess-who-won [/quote]the ending was priceless....
In 1923, who was:
1. President of the largest steel company?2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.
Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.
The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,
went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney,
was released from prison
to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,
died abroad, penniless.
5. The President
of
the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,
also committed suicide
However,
in that same year,
1923,
the PGA Champion
and
the winner of
the
most important golf tournament,
the US Open,
was
Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92,
died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
at the time of his death.
The Moral:
F%%k work.
Play golf.
The second man says, "that's nothing! My son runs a successful contracting business and was able to build one of his friends a new house."
The third man laughs and says, "well, those are great accomplishments, My son the stock broker has done so well he bought a friend a stock portfolio that is doing very, very well."
The three men stand around patting themselves on the back and congratulating each other. The fourth man comes back looking tired. They ask him how his kid is doing and he says, "well, he's alright. I'm not so happy at how he's turned out. he's gay, and he's a hair dresser, and not a very good one, but his last three boyfriends gave him a new car, a new house, and a very large stock portfolio." __________________
Q: What’s the difference between a stockbroker and a pigeon?
A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Ferrari.
Time to Picnic? A carriage load of young brokers visits " The Rock".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Usn-RxTemdEAnd here’s what it’s going to feel like when there’s (finally) panic buying in the market (what you don’t think 3 trillion is inflationary?)
http://www.hulu.com/watch/56632/saturday-night-live-digital-short-im-on-a-boatMan dies and goes to Hell. Satan sees his name on the list and tells his minions that this one is especially bad, so they’re going to have to break him. He tells them to put him in a room, make him break rocks all day, turn the heat up to 95 and raise the humidity to 75%. He comes back to check on him later in the day and sees the man working and whistling obviously having a great time. Satan asks him why he’s so happy. Man says that he’s just remembering what it was like growing up in southern IL working on the farm in the summertime.
Next day Satan tells his minions to put him back in the room, but turn the heat up to 120 and the humidity up to 95%. Goes back later in the day and the guy is still working on the rocks and whistling again. Satan asks why he's so happy. Man says that he was just remembering the summer he spent in Georgia on his uncle's farm bailing hay, picking cotton, just good old fashioned work. Next day Satan decides to really get the guy. Figures if he loves the heat he'll hate the cold. So, he tells his minions to set the temp in the room at 20, make the wind blow, and turn on the rain. Satan goes to check on the man later in the day. The wind is blowing, the man's skin is blue from the cold, but he's still breaking rocks and whistling as loud as he can. Satan is finally at the end of his rope. He says that he just doesn't understand why or how someone could find anything to be happy about in such horrible conditions. What is there that could possibly be making this man so happy. Man says well, I grew up in Southern IL. I'm estatic today because if it's a cold day in Hell, then obviously my Cubs have won the world series! LET'S GO CARDINALS!![quote=iceco1d]What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
..... .... ... .. . Christopher Walken! [/quote] You mean Christopher breathin'?Stop me if you’ve heard this one!
A man is talking to a young lad. Johnny he says, you see all those boats in that harbour? Yes Johnny replies. The man says, I built all of those boats! But do you think when I walk down the street they say, "There goes Amos, the boat builder"?...They don't say that! Johnny, you see all those houses lined up that street? Yes Johnny replies. The man says, I built all of those houses! But do you think when I walk down the street they say, "There goes Amos the house builder"?...They don't say that! But you f**k one goat!A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am!" The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude." She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.""I am," replied the man. "How did you guess?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well" said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's MY fault."