LEAST Favorite Clientele

Poor people, definately poor people

[quote=frumhere]Poor people, definately poor people[/quote]

 ok , right kind of defeats the purpose.

the know it all types.

Had a client today say that they had the Frankling income fund for the last 10 years and it lost money for them. After going over the returns of the fund showing that statement to be wrong..."DONT CARE WHAT THAT SAYS...i LOST MONEY"

Also had someone show me a fidelity balanced portfolio that he was buying due to avg return of over 8% ( the chart was based on indices from 1926-2005,not the actual funds)HATE THE PIG HEADED KNOW IT ALLS

My least favorite type of client is the one that thinks he/she knows more about investments than I do.  That kind of client gets shown my door before he/she becomes a client.

Former Financial Advisors are the worst clients

although former salesman are eeeeaaassssyyyy

Engineers

Retired professors of mechanical engineering.

People who make unreasonable demands and watch their investments every day. For example. I have a client who brought 260K cash in 2002 and insisted he needed 34k income a year on a monthly basis and didn't want to take much risk!!!   We are talking a 13% to 15% return to get that much income without dipping into principle at some point. He wanted all bonds, cds or other "safe" investments. I literally had to force him to put some into growth and income mutual funds.  So after over 4 years of income (0ver $140K) we are down in the portfolio by 49K.   He called me practically every month to discuss the gains an losses in the portfolio.  He just can't understand why he is losing money

Geez ...guy WTF do you want from me? You want over a 15% return in the lowest interest rate environment we have had in 50 years and expect to get that on a gradually diminishing pool of money because you are sucking the principle up along with every penny of gain or income I can generate. While taking no risk.   aaaagh.  I should have cut him loose long ago.

I usually avoid teachers too because they have pr oven to me to be about the densest people on earth.  They don't think so of course.

Doctors have a God complex and they are difficult to deal with too.

Engineers and do-it-yourself'ers (usually aka "know it all's")

[quote=waterboy]

the know it all types.

Had a client today say that they had the Frankling income fund for the last 10 years and it lost money for them. After going over the returns of the fund showing that statement to be wrong..."DONT CARE WHAT THAT SAYS...i LOST MONEY"

Also had someone show me a fidelity balanced portfolio that he was buying due to avg return of over 8% ( the chart was based on indices from 1926-2005,not the actual funds)HATE THE PIG HEADED KNOW IT ALLS

[/quote]

I actually laughed out loud to this one!!!!

The client that retires and has 100% of their 401k in company stock, and refuses to sell any of it, now matter what they are shown. 

Today I met w/ a prospect whom has 90% in Johnson Controls stock, she is 70, she said the stock has done 15% in the last few years and refuses to sell it.  I actually informed her it has averaged around 19% in the past 10 years (or 20 years, cant remember off hand) either way, I asked her what she wanted her money to do for her, she said, "not lose ANY of it!"  I asked her how she would feel about 10% decline, she said "I would freak out!!"  I recod she leave no more than 5% of nw in JCI, she said I was crazy.  I almost laughed right in front of her when she said, "Why would I sell any of it, all it does is go up."  90% in JCI and she won't move a penny.  I felt like shooting her right in my office.  I gave her examples of PG, JNJ, LU even the good ol Enron, showed her years where they declined a minimum of 30%, she said, "Well, JCI has never done this", anyways you all get my point.  I quit.

[quote=babbling looney]

People who make unreasonable demands and watch their investments every day. For example. I have a client who brought 260K cash in 2002 and insisted he needed 34k income a year on a monthly basis and didn’t want to take much risk!!!   We are talking a 13% to 15% return to get that much income without dipping into principle at some point. He wanted all bonds, cds or other “safe” investments. I literally had to force him to put some into growth and income mutual funds.  So after over 4 years of income (0ver $140K) we are down in the portfolio by 49K.   He called me practically every month to discuss the gains an losses in the portfolio.  He just can’t understand why he is losing money

Geez ...guy WTF do you want from me? You want over a 15% return in the lowest interest rate environment we have had in 50 years and expect to get that on a gradually diminishing pool of money because you are sucking the principle up along with every penny of gain or income I can generate. While taking no risk.   aaaagh.  I should have cut him loose long ago.

I usually avoid teachers too because they have pr oven to me to be about the densest people on earth.  They don't think so of course.

Doctors have a God complex and they are difficult to deal with too.

my general rule is, if i am sitting with a retiree and they have less money then i have @ 31, bye, bye.  not my fault. nothing has worked for you and since i am backed by deep pockets, i have arbitration written all over me ( i figure i am 31, 2 kids in private school, was dirt poor when i got married, have no family money, saving for kid’s college and retirement and if you can’t have me beat in terms of savings at the age of 60-whatever, I CAN"T HELP YOU)

If they don't have the minimum assets (household above $500K, or a referral link to sizeable assets elsewhere) a need for my services and a willingness to take my advice (that doesn't mean they have to do everything I recommend) there's no need to waste my time or theirs trying to work with them.

Ok Babs....you are right there is something worse than teachers.

Daily online watchers. = DAILY phone calls about why American Funds High Income Trust paid dividends twice then removed from my account, and why did my oil stocks go down today when the market was up, and why do I see the money transferring from cash to money market - I didn't want that money invested, the market was down 20 points today - I can't afford to loose anymore money.

Mike you are right too - the old rule at Jones was, "If they have a need and they know it or if they have the money to do something about it and are willing to take advice"

Attorneys are also bad in this capacity. Have a guy who b*tched about his former broker, how he hated him and how he wanted his money invested, yet transferred in cd's and when the last 4 came due - has not returned my rep's calls. Claims he wants money working, yet doesn't like mf's & can't decide on stock. ...He's gettin the big BUH-BYE this month.

I had a senile old man urinate on himself in my office last week. All in all I would have to say that is my least favorite clientele. He came in asking for someone who has not worked in our office for 2 years and though i was lying when I said she wasnt there any more. Weird experience.

I can't stand people who try to b.s. you that they know so much about investing then say stupid things like:

"So what's the interest rate on that mutual fund?"

"Those mutual funds can't go down can they?"

I also can't stand people who won't budge from their unreasonable expectations.   I.E. I met with a guy last month who had $480,000 to invest.  He wanted $55,000 / year income without touching the principal.  He didn't like what I had to say so he purchased some Mutual Funds from a broker up the street who ran a 10 year illustration with $50,000 / year withdrawals with a portfolio averaging 15% a year.

I'm still a rookie, but I'm not afraid to pass on bad business.

Small time accounts that always call and never give referrals.

[quote=joedabrkr] [quote=babbling looney]

People who make unreasonable demands and watch their investments every day. For example. I have a client who brought 260K cash in 2002 and insisted he needed 34k income a year on a monthly basis and didn't want to take much risk!!!   We are talking a 13% to 15% return to get that much income without dipping into principle at some point. He wanted all bonds, cds or other "safe" investments. I literally had to force him to put some into growth and income mutual funds.  So after over 4 years of income (0ver $140K) we are down in the portfolio by 49K.   He called me practically every month to discuss the gains an losses in the portfolio.  He just can't understand why he is losing money

Geez ...guy WTF do you want from me? You want over a 15% return in the lowest interest rate environment we have had in 50 years and expect to get that on a gradually diminishing pool of money because you are sucking the principle up along with every penny of gain or income I can generate. While taking no risk.   aaaagh.  I should have cut him loose long ago.

I usually avoid teachers too because they have pr oven to me to be about the densest people on earth.  They don't think so of course.

Doctors have a God complex and they are difficult to deal with too.

[/quote]

All due respect Babs(and you know I mean it), but you most likely made the mistake when you agreed to take him on as a client once you heard his expectations.  If you and he couldn't to some agreement with lower goals, you should have refused to open the account.  Let it be someone else's problem.
[/quote]

You are very right!!!  I thought that he had understood , after extensive discussion, in the beginning that we would be eroding principle and that there was no way to accomplish both his goals, income and safety.  My fault. I should have not accepted him as a client.  Sigh.  Live and learn.

Document, document, document… On the walls, on Outlook or your CRM, in the clients file, on their forehead, wherever…

[quote=blarmston]Document, document, document..... On the walls, on Outlook or your CRM, in the clients file, on their forehead, wherever....[/quote]

WERD!!

Least favorite are people who have no respect for money given to them- inheritance. I took a couple who didn't have two nickels to rub together before they got nearly a million dollar inheritance. It was beautiful portfolio and they could have lived very comfortably for the rest of their lives- but then they started shopping. And spending. And making decisions. ALSO- would drop in to let me know how 'difficult' it was to have all this money. THEN wanted to know why their portfolio went down? Well, you spent $36,000 on average every month for the last year. Bought a Harley- $45,000 - custom paint job- parked in front of their favorite bar- it got stolen. They didn't have insurance- WHY!? I asked- why would we need insurance ifn' we paid cash fer it?  Can you wire another $45,000 out to Harley dealership, we ordered a new one.

THAT'S IT- GO AWWAYYY!

P.S. Teachers, Preachers/ Lawyers/Doctors

AND REAL ESTATE AGENTS- Not that they ever have any money.

[quote=munytalks]

Least favorite are people who have no respect for money given to them- inheritance. I took a couple who didn't have two nickels to rub together before they got nearly a million dollar inheritance. It was beautiful portfolio and they could have lived very comfortably for the rest of their lives- but then they started shopping. And spending. And making decisions. ALSO- would drop in to let me know how 'difficult' it was to have all this money. THEN wanted to know why their portfolio went down? Well, you spent $36,000 on average every month for the last year. Bought a Harley- $45,000 - custom paint job- parked in front of their favorite bar- it got stolen. They didn't have insurance- WHY!? I asked- why would we need insurance ifn' we paid cash fer it?  Can you wire another $45,000 out to Harley dealership, we ordered a new one.

THAT'S IT- GO AWWAYYY![/quote]

Wow...I had one of those a few years back...go an unexpected million dollar windfall...blew through $200K before they even found an advisor...proceeded to piss through all but 80K 18 months later...husband had been in jail, son had been in jail, wife had relapsed into cocaine.  I had clues and ignored them.  When they got down to 80K, I cashed them out and fired them and vowed to NEVER ignore the signals again!!!

Avoid "lottery winners" like the plague.  If they were used to making $25K/year, and inherit a mil, they'll find a way to blow it.  I was arrogant enough to think I could put them on a disciplined budget and make the money last...what a dumb@ss I was...don't make the same mistake!

Stock jockeys.  Or I should say the guys who say they are stock jockeys.  Looking to make a quick buck.  Worriers.  Idiot do it yourselvers who screw up then come crying to you with no assets left to work with.

I have a 2.5 million dollar client who I am always on edge with because I never know where he stands on things.  Is he happy or not?  I can never tell.  If I never called him, I don’t think he would ever call me either.  I cant stand that because I always like to know where I stand with large accounts.  I have absolutely know idea how this guy feels about things.  Stresses me out. 

Malcolm - we have a lady who is worth about 2 - 3 million and she is THE biggest cheapskate I've ever seen. She openly admits to going to the "lunch & learn" seminars with no intention of investing anything, she just wants the free lunch. She tells us how she dumps the candy bowl in her purse from the doctors office.

Anyway - she is also THE biggest crab and her moods range from cheap & crabby to giggly & charming. We've started calling her Cybil because we never know until she calls in whether it's a "good medication" day  or a "bad medication" day .

People with their entire net worth in annuities. 

I love all my clients!

[quote=Malcolm]I have a 2.5 million dollar client who I am always on edge with because I never know where he stands on things.  Is he happy or not?  I can never tell.  If I never called him, I don't think he would ever call me either.  I cant stand that because I always like to know where I stand with large accounts.  I have absolutely know idea how this guy feels about things.  Stresses me out.  [/quote]

In other words, the guy just likes to jerk you around because he HAS $2.5Mil and thinks that entitles him?  Next time he comes in for a Portfolio Review, pull out a pair of Fossil Man glasses and see how he likes that!

[quote=Incredble Hulk]

I love all my clients!

[/quote]

Speaking of which, how is your family?

Sorry, I couldn't help it

Indyone:

Avoid "lottery winners" like the plague.  If they were used to making $25K/year, and inherit a mil, they'll find a way to blow it.  I was arrogant enough to think I could put them on a disciplined budget and make the money last...what a dumb@ss I was...don't make the same mistake!

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Easy solution to that problem. Simply, stick them in an annuity with a 15-year surrender period. You make money, they're forced to stick with a budget, everybody wins!

What do you mean, how is my family?

They are GREAT!

Let’s every one of us be like Incredble and then life can be GREAT!

Life is GREAT!

[quote=doberman]Indyone:

Avoid "lottery winners" like the plague.  If they were used to making $25K/year, and inherit a mil, they'll find a way to blow it.  I was arrogant enough to think I could put them on a disciplined budget and make the money last...what a dumb@ss I was...don't make the same mistake!

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Easy solution to that problem. Simply, stick them in an annuity with a 15-year surrender period. You make money, they're forced to stick with a budget, everybody wins![/quote]

Dobe, I can't think of a mechanism that those idiots wouldn't have tried to beat somehow.  A surrender charge wouldn't have stopped them.  They would have sold a SPIA to a discounter.  Heck, I don't even think an irrevocable trust would have saved them...I can see them in court claiming a "hardship".

You just can't save some people from themselves...

[quote=munytalks]

Least favorite are people who have no respect for money given to them- inheritance. I took a couple who didn't have two nickels to rub together before they got nearly a million dollar inheritance. It was beautiful portfolio and they could have lived very comfortably for the rest of their lives- but then they started shopping. And spending. And making decisions. ALSO- would drop in to let me know how 'difficult' it was to have all this money. THEN wanted to know why their portfolio went down? Well, you spent $36,000 on average every month for the last year. Bought a Harley- $45,000 - custom paint job- parked in front of their favorite bar- it got stolen. They didn't have insurance- WHY!? I asked- why would we need insurance ifn' we paid cash fer it?  Can you wire another $45,000 out to Harley dealership, we ordered a new one.

THAT'S IT- GO AWWAYYY!

[/quote]

I feel your pain.  I recently booted a client that had inherited an obscene amount of money.  When we first met, he was just a nice, but simple, young guy with more money than he knew what to do with.  Unfortunately, a fondness for shiny new cars (he bought 4 in the short time I had him as a client) and a drug habit soon followed.  He literally blew hundreds of thousands in less than 6 months.  I did a liquidate and transfer, but in reverse. 

My experience with this guy reminds me of the old joke about owning a boat:  the the two happiest days of boat ownership are the day you buy it, and the day you sell it.  That's exactly how I felt about him.  When he first showed up with that huge pile of cash, I though it was the best day of my career.  But the day I booted him was actually much more satisfying.

[quote=lawsucks][quote=munytalks]

Least favorite are people who have no respect for money given to them- inheritance. I took a couple who didn't have two nickels to rub together before they got nearly a million dollar inheritance. It was beautiful portfolio and they could have lived very comfortably for the rest of their lives- but then they started shopping. And spending. And making decisions. ALSO- would drop in to let me know how 'difficult' it was to have all this money. THEN wanted to know why their portfolio went down? Well, you spent $36,000 on average every month for the last year. Bought a Harley- $45,000 - custom paint job- parked in front of their favorite bar- it got stolen. They didn't have insurance- WHY!? I asked- why would we need insurance ifn' we paid cash fer it?  Can you wire another $45,000 out to Harley dealership, we ordered a new one.

THAT'S IT- GO AWWAYYY!

[/quote]

I feel your pain.  I recently booted a client that had inherited an obscene amount of money.  When we first met, he was just a nice, but simple, young guy with more money than he knew what to do with.  Unfortunately, a fondness for shiny new cars (he bought 4 in the short time I had him as a client) and a drug habit soon followed.  He literally blew hundreds of thousands in less than 6 months.  I did a liquidate and transfer, but in reverse. 

My experience with this guy reminds me of the old joke about owning a boat:  the the two happiest days of boat ownership are the day you buy it, and the day you sell it.  That's exactly how I felt about him.  When he first showed up with that huge pile of cash, I though it was the best day of my career.  But the day I booted him was actually much more satisfying.

[/quote]

GREAT Analogy- I love it! That exactly describes how it feels!

Reading the above posts, I'm actually looking forward to firing my first client.  It will be a liberating experience.

Two years into my practice I'm getting to the point where I don't have to take everyone on board.

scrim

The people that just left the bank, walk in and ask…“how much are them IRA’s payin”?

As a rookie, I had a client who was secretly buying my firm's recommended stocks in a discount brokerage account. As my client, he would buy 100 shares of XYZ, while simultaneously buying 500 shares thru Fidelity.

One day, a rec stock dropped about 15%. He called me, extremely upset, that afternoon. I told him to relax, that the stock only constituted a small portion of his portfolio. Then he told me what he was doing with Fidelity. 

I gave him 30 days to find another broker.

[quote=doberman]

As a rookie, I had a client who was secretly buying my firm's recommended stocks in a discount brokerage account. As my client, he would buy 100 shares of XYZ, while simultaneously buying 500 shares thru Fidelity.

One day, a rec stock dropped about 15%. He called me, extremely upset, that afternoon. I told him to relax, that the stock only constituted a small portion of his portfolio. Then he told me what he was doing with Fidelity. 

I gave him 30 days to find another broker.