Best "Client freaked me out when..." stories
Sitting here prepping for my next review/update/rebalancing meeting and started reflecting on this particular client.
Came to me as an ok sized referral 6 or so years ago, medium sized 401k rollover, and then she got divorced a few years later and ended up with some more of "his" money. It all started out pretty normal, nothing standing out as strange, but then after the divorce I started noticing she was dressing more and more like Stevie Nicks, wearing multiple strange rings and started displaying more "visible" tats (hands, fingers, lower arms). I have no idea how her inventory of non-immediately visible tats may or may not have changed.
So, I'm not going to ask her, "Why are you looking so much like a freak lately," but she happens to mention casually a few years ago while we're going through the review, "You know I can see things, don't you?" Me: See what? That your shares of Southern Company are paying an effective current yield of 5.5% but they're down a couple of points? Her: No, that's not what I meant. I can see things that other people can't. I've got Earth Gifts (her exact phrase) that allow me to know things that other people don't know and can't know. At this point, I'm really wanting to ask her if she'll apply these gifts to our portfolio planning, but I'm just sitting and nodding that blank nod with the Robert DeNiro face, you know the one with the little turned down mouth, the "Hmm, I never thought of that" look. Her: For instance, I know when my mother is going to die, and I asked her if she wants me to tell her, but she said no. Me: Uhhhh, well, I can certainly understand that. I don't think I'd want to know that. Her: Really? (she looks at me with the weirdest 'I'm seeing your innermost being' stare) You really wouldn't want to know that? Or other things about your life to come? Me: Definitely not. Her : Do you think that makes me a witch? Or something like that? Me: Uhhhh, I don't know, what do you think? Her: I haven't decided yet. But I definitely have a gift..... The conversation turned back to business after that, but that was the strangest review I've ever done with a client, including the ones with the narcoleptic client that I always have to wake up during the meeting.Wow! Thanks for sharing that. A couple questions for you.
1) Would you? 2) What's her myspace?Well if she knows the future she can pick lottery numbers, Right?
I dought it!I had a couple fight in my office over putting his or her parents as the beneficiary to their accounts. Husband bitch slapped his wife and took off sprinting down the street (in a suit). He snapped in literally 5 seconds before I was even out of my chair.
[quote=Greenbacks]Well if she knows the future she can pick lottery numbers, Right?
I dought it! [/quote] Still more importantly, she should know what the market is going to do and what positions to back up the bus, or bail on.Had a prospect tell me that she had to consult her Ouija Board and Astrologist before she could make a decision.
During a cold call pitch on Bonds, I had someone tell me they didn't need any Bail Bonds before they hung up on me.prospect walked in and asked about buying the drug stocks that make the base components for methanphetimines. six months later, they were arrested for making meth
A client at the bank asked me if I wanted to earn some extra money on the side. I politely informed him that we are not permitted to have side jobs. He clarified with a wink that he wasn’t exactly talking about something legal.
I politely declined.[quote=BioFreeze] [quote=MsBroker]A client at the bank asked me if I wanted to earn some extra money on the side. I politely informed him that we are not permitted to have side jobs. He clarified with a wink that he wasn’t exactly talking about something legal.
I politely declined. [/quote]What do you look like?
[/quote] Rosie O'Donnell
Beemer, good story!
[quote=MsBroker]A client at the bank asked me if I wanted to earn some extra money on the side. I politely informed him that we are not permitted to have side jobs. He clarified with a wink that he wasn’t exactly talking about something legal.
I politely declined. [/quote] "You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?" - Al Czervik2 words: Breast feeding.
Also had a breast feeding incident. Baby was in the carrier on the floor and she kept crying. Mom said I’m sorry, let me try to make her stop. She picked the baby up, cradled her and out it came. No warning at all! It wasn’t the first time I’d seen one, or the natural act itself. I’m sure it makes me immature, but it’s really awkward trying to explain share classes to a woman with someone latched on her boob.
Thats funny as s**t! That is to a T the exact scenario I was in. There was no "I hope you don't mind", or "Pardon me, but I need to do this to calm the baby down". Just a whipping out of the boob and away the baby sucked. I was explaining share classes too. I was also in a conference room in my office that had windows that people walking by could see into. And they did.Also had a breast feeding incident. Baby was in the carrier on the floor and she kept crying. Mom said I’m sorry, let me try to make her stop. She picked the baby up, cradled her and out it came. No warning at all! It wasn’t the first time I’d seen one, or the natural act itself. I’m sure it makes me immature, but it’s really awkward trying to explain share classes to a woman with someone latched on her boob.
Thats funny as s**t! That is to a T the exact scenario I was in. There was no "I hope you don't mind", or "Pardon me, but I need to do this to calm the baby down". Just a whipping out of the boob and away the baby sucked. I was explaining share classes too. I was also in a conference room in my office that had windows that people walking by could see into. And they did.[/quote] LOL, I had the exact same thing happen as well. No warning and out it came but the husband was in the office as well. I tried so hard to not look over and stay focused on him and he wasn't even phased by it. I was like WTF??[quote=imabroker]Also had a breast feeding incident. Baby was in the carrier on the floor and she kept crying. Mom said I’m sorry, let me try to make her stop. She picked the baby up, cradled her and out it came. No warning at all! It wasn’t the first time I’d seen one, or the natural act itself. I’m sure it makes me immature, but it’s really awkward trying to explain share classes to a woman with someone latched on her boob.
That would have been the perfect setting in which to test your verbal skills, and your cojones, by running out an explanation of your process in a fashion such as this:
“Mr. and Mrs. Client, my commitment to you is to lay bare the double barreled risks we face with swelling inflation and the nip of the tax man, and to keep you fully abreast of the ebb and flow of opportunity. My role is to help you scrape the cream off the top of a well developed and fully balanced portfolio, and not get sucked into the next cleft of extremes. If I can support well rounded planning with the occasional bounce that we’ll get from one peak to the next, then we will enjoy double delightful returns, while pushing back risk with both hands. That, Mr. and Mrs. Client, is truly an investment plan that we can really wrap our hands around. I can almost taste the sweet nectar of success, can’t you?”
[quote=2wheeledbeemer]That would have been the perfect setting in which to test your verbal skills, and your cojones, by running out an explanation of your process in a fashion such as this:
“Mr. and Mrs. Client, my commitment to you is to lay bare the double barreled risks we face with swelling inflation and the nip of the tax man, and to keep you fully abreast of the ebb and flow of opportunity. My role is to help you scrape the cream off the top of a well developed and fully balanced portfolio, and not get sucked into the next cleft of extremes. If I can support well rounded planning with the occasional bounce that we’ll get from one peak to the next, then we will enjoy double delightful returns, while pushing back risk with both hands. That, Mr. and Mrs. Client, is truly an investment plan that we can really wrap our hands around. I can almost taste the sweet nectar of success, can’t you?”[/quote]
“TITILLATING!”
Had a prospect once tell me that she believed in the Mayan calendar and was pretty sure the world was going to end in 2012. This was our first meeting (she was a referral), and it was about an hour into our conversation after we’d covered the usual topics. We were sitting in a cafe. She was a successful entrepreneur and looked put together (didn’t seem flaky or new age-y at all), so I wasn’t sure what to make of this statement. This was last year during the height of the market turmoil (when it was fashionable to predict the end of civilization), so I kind of let it go and moved on to discuss asset allocation and then went to close the meeting by offering to put together a portfolio proposal for her.
At this point, she nodded and with a straight face asked me to put together two portfolio proposals: one with a traditional retirement time horizon (she was in her 30s and wanted to retire by age 60) and a second which incorporated the end of days in 2012. I thought maybe this was a joke and she was trying to test me to see if I had a sense of humor, so I laughed. Big mistake. She was dead serious. She didn’t get upset, but it was clear that I’d lost her. I tried to back-peddle and offered to accommodate, but she told me she had another meeting to get to and she’d think about it and get back to me. Needless to say, I never heard back from her.
f***ing hilarious!!!< id=“gwProxy” ="">< =“jsCall;” id=“jsProxy” ="">
…apparently having a client breast-feed in your office during a review/presentation isn’t as uncommon as I thought it was. Personally, that was when I turned the presentation 100% to the husband and pretended that the wife wasn’t even in the room. Given her preoccupation, she didn’t seem to care at all.
-Holy crap - BBSE. (Best Boob Story Ever) And MsBroker- I've seen you. You don't look like Rosie O'Donell.That would have been the perfect setting in which to test your verbal skills, and your cojones, by running out an explanation of your process in a fashion such as this:
“Mr. and Mrs. Client, my commitment to you is to lay bare the double barreled risks we face with swelling inflation and the nip of the tax man, and to keep you fully abreast of the ebb and flow of opportunity. My role is to help you scrape the cream off the top of a well developed and fully balanced portfolio, and not get sucked into the next cleft of extremes. If I can support well rounded planning with the occasional bounce that we’ll get from one peak to the next, then we will enjoy double delightful returns, while pushing back risk with both hands. That, Mr. and Mrs. Client, is truly an investment plan that we can really wrap our hands around. I can almost taste the sweet nectar of success, can’t you?”
[quote=Mike Damone] Wow! Thanks for sharing that. A couple questions for you.
1) Would you?
2) What’s her myspace?[/quote]
This in running for post of the year.
2wheel please answer
1.} above
(ps: stevie nicks sounds like a MF goat. no joke. listen)
Old guy sits down in my office. Says he’s retired, doesn’t do much now. Sometimes goes for a walk around his neighborhood but tries not to go too far because sometimes he can’t get back in time and $hits his pants.
What do you do when it is your sister-in-law and she is hawt? There was movement and I know I spent the entire appt completely red in the face, all for a $100/mo 529.
[quote=2wheeledbeemer]That would have been the perfect setting in which to test your verbal skills, and your cojones, by running out an explanation of your process in a fashion such as this: “Mr. and Mrs. Client, my commitment to you is to lay bare the double barreled risks we face with swelling inflation and the nip of the tax man, and to keep you fully abreast of the ebb and flow of opportunity. My role is to help you scrape the cream off the top of a well developed and fully balanced portfolio, and not get sucked into the next cleft of extremes. If I can support well rounded planning with the occasional bounce that we’ll get from one peak to the next, then we will enjoy double delightful returns, while pushing back risk with both hands. That, Mr. and Mrs. Client, is truly an investment plan that we can really wrap our hands around. I can almost taste the sweet nectar of success, can’t you?”
-Holy crap - BBSE. (Best Boob Story Ever) And MsBroker- I’ve seen you. You don’t look like Rosie O’Donell. [/quote]
why thanks, renter. I was just having some fun.
[quote=Shania Twain] [quote=Mike Damone] Wow! Thanks for sharing that. A couple questions for you.
1) Would you?
2) What's her myspace?[/quote]
This in running for post of the year.
2wheel please answer
1.} above
(ps: stevie nicks sounds like a MF goat. no joke. listen)
[/quote] 1) No (And you wouldn't want to either. Picture Linda Blair currently, add about 40 lbs., put on some of the frizzed out blond hair that extends out recklessly horizontal from the noggin, and you're there.) 2) Don't know her myspace, but you might search under Earth Gifts and see what pops up.
[quote=2wheeledbeemer][quote=Shania Twain] [quote=Mike Damone] Wow! Thanks for sharing that. A couple questions for you.
1) Would you?
2) What's her myspace?[/quote]
This in running for post of the year.
2wheel please answer
1.} above
(ps: stevie nicks sounds like a MF goat. no joke. listen)
[/quote] 1) No (And you wouldn't want to either. Picture Linda Blair currently, add about 40 lbs., put on some of the frizzed out blond hair that extends out recklessly horizontal from the noggin, and you're there.) 2) Don't know her myspace, but you might search under Earth Gifts and see what pops up.[/quote] That was an easy find. No pictures though - but I have been looking to replace my mortar and pestel.
One of my days back in Amex/Ameriprise… I had a prospect meeting, that was cut short… the client suddenly apologized and got up, said she had to go. End of the day, find a stain on the office chair, and sure enough, the prospect had her monthly meeting.
[quote=aeromaks] One of my days back in Amex/Ameriprise… I had a prospect meeting, that was cut short… the client suddenly apologized and got up, said she had to go. End of the day, find a stain on the office chair, and sure enough, the prospect had her monthly meeting.
[/quote]
Wow! Thanks for sharing that. A couple questions for you.
1) Would you?
2) What’s her myspace?
could you pls answer:
1)
above
The following happens to me alot.
Its really kind of the burden I have for being me.
I had to fire another female client for CONSTANTLY wanting favors from me. I think i have a picture of her. yes here it is. Im posting in case she tries it with you. Kind of like the milk carton thing.
It get so old after a while.
Do you mean her?
[quote=Wet_Blanket]Do you mean her?
[/quote] yikes funny your the manI had a meeting where the prospect and her husband where both going to meet. They own a business, so I met them there. He didn’t show up, and she said she and I would meet. When I asked about the kids, she began to tell me how she is not satisfied in bed. She said she wishes she could tell him how to please her.
[quote=Shania Twain] [quote=aeromaks] One of my days back in Amex/Ameriprise… I had a prospect meeting, that was cut short… the client suddenly apologized and got up, said she had to go. End of the day, find a stain on the office chair, and sure enough, the prospect had her monthly meeting.
[/quote]
Wow! Thanks for sharing that. A couple questions for you.
1) Would you?
2) What’s her myspace?
could you pls answer:
1)
above[/quote]
No I wouldnt. and never looked. She is married and I lost track with them when I changed firms.
Where are you on this one Shania???I had a meeting where the prospect and her husband where both going to meet. They own a business, so I met them there. He didn’t show up, and she said she and I would meet. When I asked about the kids, she began to tell me how she is not satisfied in bed. She said she wishes she could tell him how to please her.
Sounds like an opportunity to gather an additional $46.50 in assets from her.
Funny!!!< id=“gwProxy” ="">< =“jsCall;” id=“jsProxy” ="">
[quote=newguy44]I had a meeting where the prospect and her husband where both going to meet. They own a business, so I met them there. He didn’t show up, and she said she and I would meet. When I asked about the kids, she began to tell me how she is not satisfied in bed. She said she wishes she could tell him how to please her.
Where are you on this one Shania???[/quote]
As we all know, the more you know about a client the better we can do for them
I think he needs to keep probing. No detail is too small
The most freaked out I have been with a client was not in the office but on the way to an estate attorney. The client insisted on driving so I agreed. Lets just say you should be cautious when getting into a car with a man who spends 99% of his time in India and Europe. We pull out of the parking lot and he proceeds to drive on the LEFT side of the road heading straight for a Suburban who’s driver must have been saying WTF. I grab the steering wheel from the passenger seat and yank the car over to the right side of the street. As this is happening the client was obviously confused, he was thinking “why is this truck on the wrong side of the road coming at me”. He looked at me like I was crazy and I am screaming “right side of the road” as he tries to go back to the “correct” left side!!! Finally in a moment of clarity he remembers he is in America and calmly says something to the effect of “oh yes yes yes, sorry”.
I was a total wreck in the meeting after seeing visions of the coroner prying a chevy bowtie out of my mouth. I could not get into a rhythm; needless to say I never closed the plan. But I was happy to be alive…
I cold called this lady about 6 years ago, fresh out of college and working for Merrill Lynch. She was a sweetheart but something wasn’t quite right with her voice. After about 5 minutes of chit chat she mentions that she has MS. I say, “oh, you’re with Morgan Stanley, that’s great!”. I felt really bad after that one.
Another time, I cold called a lady while a broker from my office was doing a review at her home. She handed the phone off to him and he said, "Don't F***ing call my clients again." Needless to say, I was glad to be done with the cold calling phase of my career.I totally forgot another classic. Client of mine got up from her chair after the appointment and a fuzzy, triangle, toupee looking fell out from her dress. I didn’t dare touch it with my hands, so i picked it up with a pencil and took it to the guy that I thought might know about what this mysterious foreign object was. He proceeded to tell me that it was a Merkin. Look it up for yourself!
Are you out of the business now or just a big swinger?Needless to say, I was glad to be done with the cold calling phase of my career.
No, I made over 25,000 calls in 4 years and decided to focus more on seminars and referrals. Once I was making a decent enough income to start putting money back in to the business seminars just made more sense for me.
[quote=Tissot]I cold called this lady about 6 years ago, fresh out of college and working for Merrill Lynch. She was a sweetheart but something wasn’t quite right with her voice. After about 5 minutes of chit chat she mentions that she has MS. I say, “oh, you’re with Morgan Stanley, that’s great!”. I felt really bad after that one.
Another time, I cold called a lady while a broker from my office was doing a review at her home. She handed the phone off to him and he said, "Don't F***ing call my clients again." Needless to say, I was glad to be done with the cold calling phase of my career.[/quote] The reaction you got from your colleague should be an indication to you that you are doing something right and should keep calling. Your colleagues reaction was designed to shut you down, not keep you going. That was no way to react to you. He had no right to treat you that way. Your reaction sounds like it shut you down. Keep going. You hit a qualified prospect cold calling. Not one you can work with, but the prospecting technique itself - the cold calling was working.I have a client whom I took out to lunch one day. He ordered steak I believe and in the midst of him chewing his steak I asked him a question. He started to answer the question but stopped and started to turn blue. He was choking to death right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t let that happen so got up used the heimlich maneuver and he finally came to life. learn not to ask anything to old clients when chewing.
I visited a prospects home one day and caught him in the yard about to leave in his truck. I pulled out my brochure and began to talk with him, and he lets me know that he is interested and would like to talk with me. He tells me to wait a minute, and he walks over to some shrubbery in his yard, whips it out and takes a leak, zips up his pants, walks back over to me and continues the conversation as if nothing strange ever happened.
I had a meeting with a successful couple in their early 30's. He arrived late and left early. She was obviously pissed because he didn't listen and she was trying to get a handle on things. He leaves, and she asks me to close the office door. Then she says, and I quote: "That's typical, he's such an a-hole, he's always running out when I need him, he even runs out when I REALLY need him".......... I say nothing. She continues:
"I guess what I really need is a new advisor and a good f--k"............... I had the dumbest look on my face, I am sure. I turned beet red, and she continued on like it enver happened...........:)
[quote=iceco1d]
So.....did you close it?!?!??!
[/quote]
The account? Yes. Her? No................:)
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