Skip navigation

Funniest cold calling rebuttals?

or Register to post new content in the forum

27 RepliesJump to last post

 

Comments

  • Allowed HTML tags: <em> <strong> <blockquote> <br> <p>

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
Aug 25, 2010 6:35 pm

Hi All -

With all the discussion of cold calling on this forum, I think some humor is well overdue. Does anyone care to share the funniest canned rebuttals they've come across?

My favorite (from another thread) is:

    Prospect: I need to ask my wife

    Broker: Go ahead, mine already told me I could sell to you.

Aug 25, 2010 6:39 pm

Been years... but.... If someone hung up on me, sometimes I'd call back; "Mr. Jones, sorry about that, must have had a bad line and got disconnected..." then, they'd go ballistic...

Seriously, I subscribe to the theory of when objections come up, get off the phone as fast as you can. A talky NO, can eat up 10-15 minutes of your time. Instead, you could make 5-10 more hits.

Aug 25, 2010 6:59 pm

exactly. "thankyouvermuch"

funniest thing ive heard though is "oh no thanks, we're taken care of"

"oh ok, are you working with someone here in town?"

"yes, we're with the Money Store."

... hahahahah ok good luck :)

Aug 25, 2010 7:11 pm

Guy I worked with one time loved to argue with prospects and better yet be forceful. His clients were almost always surgeons and his opinion was that you had to show them you were more important than they were.  Two come to mind that we went through while he was training me:

a) the surgeon says "I can't talk now, I'm eating breakfast" and the broker says "put the damn spoon down and push that (insert your favorite cuss word) bowl of Corn Flakes to the side because I'm hear to make you some (reinsert that word again) money."

b) the surgeon was literally put on the speaker phone while in surgery for some reason (wasn't even a client), you could hear the others talking.  The surgeon says he can't talk because he's in surgery and the broker says "hey, the patient is unconscience and will still be unconscience when I'm done making you some money".

You'd be shocked how often he made sales.  His client base was constantly having to be replaced though because people quickly got tired of it but he didn't seem to care. 

Aug 25, 2010 8:17 pm

[quote=Beagle]

Guy I worked with one time loved to argue with prospects and better yet be forceful. His clients were almost always surgeons and his opinion was that you had to show them you were more important than they were.  Two come to mind that we went through while he was training me:

a) the surgeon says "I can't talk now, I'm eating breakfast" and the broker says "put the damn spoon down and push that (insert your favorite cuss word) bowl of Corn Flakes to the side because I'm hear to make you some (reinsert that word again) money."

b) the surgeon was literally put on the speaker phone while in surgery for some reason (wasn't even a client), you could hear the others talking.  The surgeon says he can't talk because he's in surgery and the broker says "hey, the patient is unconscience and will still be unconscience when I'm done making you some money".

You'd be shocked how often he made sales.  His client base was constantly having to be replaced though because people quickly got tired of it but he didn't seem to care. 

[/quote]

I think we used to work together, as i know a guy just like this...

Aug 25, 2010 8:22 pm

This is from one of my posts this past spring.

I was cold calling today and an older woman picked up and I gave my introduction followed by a bit of silence.  Very politley she asks me if like carpet, I say "yes," which she promptly follows up with, "well then why don't you eat mine."  I am completely dumbfounded and say "excuse me," and she follows up with "you heard me you turd, eat it," then the ubiquitous click.

Anyone else get any of these types of responses?  I also had a guy tell me that I no longer exist, and tells me I'm no better than a beggar on a street acting like a tellar behind a counter at a bank.  He then lays into the "man" and the shadow gov't always trying to steal a buck from him and his family going back to the days of slavery and oppression.  I am always thrilled with these types of rejections and it actually motivates me to call more just to hear what other people might say.

Aug 25, 2010 11:08 pm

So on a scale of one to ten for enjoying interrupting people and annoying them with your sales pitch, you're a ten. At least you're having fun. I can't wait until the day when our industry restrains itself from pitching to things like "low hanging fruit", and people who can't say no. The biggest joke is on you, or at least your associates who quit, when you find out you're a tool. Oh wait a minute, bond guy is going to get some of those assigned accounts... there's a silver lining. You're so persuasive!

Aug 26, 2010 3:34 pm

Tenth, man, lighten up.  Now, I'm not a cold-caller, but people cold-call in all kinds of businesses.  If you manufacture squirt guns, what are you gonna do, go to your local Chamber events and try to pitch people?  No, you cold call all the toy retailers in the U.S. that buy squirt guns.  That's exactly what BondGuy does.  He cold calls people he thinks will buy bonds.

Aug 26, 2010 3:53 pm

And i don't take inherited accts.

Tenth, give it up. if you have something of value to add, then add it. If not then all you're doing is leaving a bad scent along your snake trail.

Aug 26, 2010 4:08 pm

Bond Guy and Tenth. Time for both of you to agree to disagree, and drop it. Discussion board, not an argument board...

Aug 26, 2010 4:15 pm

BG puts the final nail in the coffin of the challenger. His followers remain silent.

Aug 26, 2010 4:22 pm

24, squirtguns, really? They're called purchasing agents. You guys go for it.

Aug 26, 2010 4:26 pm

Big, you're right. But in the five years or so that i've been on this board, common sense has never prevailed. And, by historical standards this doesn't even rate. Look up mikebutler222 or Allreit.

Tenth is pissed because i pinned him down like a butterfly at a high school science fair. That said, Im not going to let this guy crap all over something just because he's got his nose in the air.  He's welcomed to his opinion.  He's not welcome to take a dump in a place where people are looking for help, and where a rookie could mistake his negative diatribe as fact.

Aug 26, 2010 5:05 pm

You're right, I hate cold calling. We should agree to disagree.

I'm pissed that guys like you continue to give our profession a bad name with the public. But then you never bothered to get your CFP or help the profession evolve.

I've also figured out that you are a corporate suck-up, with a vested interest in cold calling. Which explains how you can also be a liberal. Political correctness can get you lots of assigned accounts. Political correctness is learned, not genetic.

The fact is, wirehouses accrete the labor of young callers - some of them become like you, most blow out, and you take some of the acccounts. Conflict of interest.

You're quick to claim "victory". Everyone is continuously free to choose how they conduct themselves.

You're all about ME, BG. Guys like Allreit and the rest don't want to waste their time here. That's just too bad for the RR forum, and the next generation of advisors who don't fit into your little cold calling cubical. Because you have to take every discussion to a place where you "win". Now you "won", and you're back in control. It's okay with me if you have your little place on the internet, in fact, it has been kind of interesting and educational for me, so thanks.

But I stand by my claim that cold calling is bad for our profession, and there are good alternatives, but it would hurt guys like you.  Period.

Aug 26, 2010 4:48 pm

Prospect:  Go to hell.

Broker: Homosaywhat?

Prospect: What?

Aug 26, 2010 5:09 pm

And since you have only cold called or taken accounts from blown out rookies, you're not really qualified to be taking shots at guys who have done both. You're really just good at being PC, not marketing. Talk about a snake.

Aug 26, 2010 5:25 pm

The cold calling rebuttals are hilarious.

@Bigfirepower I literally laughed out loud.

@tenthtee - you obviously dislike cold callers, care to take them down a peg by joking about them instead of harshing the vibe?

Aug 26, 2010 5:42 pm

[quote=tenthtee]

24, squirtguns, really? They're called purchasing agents. You guys go for it.

[/quote]

Or buyers.  Which is exactly what everyone is. 

I have heard of people disagreeing with cold-calling, but you are taking this thing to a whole new level.  I just don't understand your disdain for BG.

Aug 26, 2010 5:48 pm

A broker cold calls a prospect and says, " I'm a licensed professional, a registered representative."

The prospect , sitting at her computer, husband nearby, wonders, what is a rr? So with the rr on the line, Googles Registered Representative and finds a thread called, "Funniest Cold Calling Rebuttals", picks out the appropriate response, and goes back to doing what she was doing before she was pulled off by the phone call that she thought was going to be her surgeon giving results from reading a biopsy report that was delayed by handling a cold call from a registered representative.

This was a small town, so it was a coincidence that they all ended up at Ten's educational lunch at the club. Except the cold calling broker wasn't invited. The woman's test report was okay, and everyone took the afternoon off and went golfing, since they already had enough money and were invested in moderate portfolios and it was a beautiful summer day. Everyone forgot about the cold calling broker, and life became more peaceful after ten helped them call the phone company and get caller ID switched on their phones. Life flowed on like a lazy river.

Aug 26, 2010 5:49 pm

For a few years, I had a prospect base of about 2000 folks, that had at least 25k at the bank. I'd call them, over, and over, until they became disqualified. An interesting thing I learned about that, was that if I called the number, the person was really rude, there was about a 95% chance they'd act the same way next time when I called, say 6-8 weeks later. So, I sharpened my skills in deleting names more quickly. Also, objectionist talkies, were really just in it, for the sport of saying no. Oh, and "mail me something", resulted in .....ONE new account over all those years. I was literally stunned, when about 13 years into my career, someone actually read the stuff I sent, then walked in with a check. I'm still stunned...

"Send me something" is like a gal telling you "she wants to be friends"....