No offense, just stupid and funny.
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they passed a sign that read "Disneyland LEFT."
They started crying,turned around and went home.
Two Blondes in New York were sitting on a bench in Central Park when one asks the other..."Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says..."Helloooooooo, can you see Florida?"
A blonde was out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo!" she shouts " How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back "You ARE on the other side!"
I could use some good Irish jokes. Bring'em!
I think I see a theme too.
Here's your Irish hoke:
St Peter's Quiz
A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die in a plane crash and go up to Heaven's gates together.
When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who says: "Sorry, it's crowded up here, you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in."
He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?"
"Oh, that's easy," the teacher replies, "the Titanic."
So St. Peter lets her into Heaven.
Next he turns to the petty thief.
"How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asks.
"Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and I think it was 1,500."
St. Peter steps away and the thief walks into Heaven.
Finally, St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says: "Name them."
An American investment banker was at the pier of a
small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman
Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality
of his fish and asked, "How long does it take to catch them?"
The Mexican replied: "Only a little while".
The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each
evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full
and busy life."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should
spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with
the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats,
eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling
your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor,
eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product,
processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal
fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC
where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then?"
The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is
right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the
public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions.. Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal
fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with
your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your
A successful stockbroker
parked his brand-new Porsche in front of his office, ready to show it
off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore
off the door on the driver's side. The stockbroker immediately grabbed
his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the stockbroker
started screaming hysterically. His Porsche, which he had just picked up
the day before, was now completely ruined. When the stockbroker finally
wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in
disgust and disbelief. "I can not believe how materialistic you stock
brokers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that
you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked
the stockbroker. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is
missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck
hit you." "My God!" screamed the stockbroker. "My Rolex!"