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Things You Won't Hear at the Martha Stewart Trial Boy, with all this fuss, you'd think I was accused of selling shares or something. Mr. Fanueil, the court would like to remind you that you may not refer to yourself as and please do not call the defendant Ms. Martha. Ms. Stewart, those weird carved radishes you make bear a strong resemblance to that piercing on Janet Jackson's breast. Care to comment?

Things You Won't Hear at the Martha Stewart Trial

  1. “Boy, with all this fuss, you'd think I was accused of selling ‘B’ shares or something.”

  2. “Mr. Fanueil, the court would like to remind you that you may not refer to yourself as ‘Baby,’ and please do not call the defendant ‘Ms. Martha.’ ”

  3. “Ms. Stewart, those weird carved radishes you make bear a strong resemblance to that piercing on Janet Jackson's breast. Care to comment?”

  4. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client could not possibly have conspired to obstruct justice — she was too busy fleecing K-Mart with those cheap pillows.”

  5. “I'm dying for a Big Mac right about now.”

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