2004 The Year that WasAnd Wasn't

In Case You Missed What That Glauber Guy Said: There has been a real sea change in the quantity and nature of regulation, and I don't think it's going to abate. Marc Menchel, general counsel, NASD, June 2004. Don't Go To Forums Like This At the World Economic Forum in Switzerland in January, young entrepreneurs spoke at a forum called How To Be Hip. At this forum, hundreds of middle-aged white guys

In Case You Missed What That Glauber Guy Said:

“There has been a real sea change in the quantity and nature of regulation, and I don't think it's going to abate.” — Marc Menchel, general counsel, NASD, June 2004.

Don't Go To Forums Like This

At the World Economic Forum in Switzerland in January, young entrepreneurs spoke at a forum called “How To Be Hip.” At this forum, hundreds of middle-aged white guys in suits — including top executives from Merrill Lynch — packed a hall to, essentially, learn how to be cool. “If you have to think about being hip, you're never going to be hip,” one panelist said. Too late, fellas.

This is true. They're Made of Granite, Slow-moving, and Don't Like Kids Tramping on Their Grass:

Cap Gemini Ernst & Young released fascinating research in March showing that wealthy investors are more like institutions.

Mr. O'Neal, Are You Running for Something?

Speaking at a securities conference at Pace University, Stan O'Neal, Merrill Lynch CEO, said the recent Wall Street scandals have been “exploited from a political point of view and expanded to a point past what it should have been.” O'Neal got in trouble two years ago when he voiced similar thoughts privately to a large group of Merrill brokers. Apparently, O'Neal is feeling bolder about these pronouncements these days.

Good. Totally Not My Fault Then:

According to Andra Medea, author of Conflict Unraveled: Fixing Problems at Work and in Families, if investors are mad at you for a tanking portfolio, relax — it's all in their heads. “The reason clients get angry with their reps isn't character, it's chemical,” Medea told Fortune. “When people get upset, too much adrenaline floods their brains and their thinking malfunctions.”

You're Telling Us:

Robert Glauber, head of the NASD, which has been investigating all sorts of malfeasance in 2004, commenting on his having to follow Crossfire's Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson at the annual SIA meeting: “The entertainment portion of the program is over.”

Top 10 Overused Phrases By Broker/Dealer Brass:

Holistic wealth management
Rep-centric
Fiduciary
Open architecture
Best-in-class
Consistent client experience
Core competency
Best practices
Client-relationship-management solutions
Coming generational wealth transfer

Does She Mean Merrill Lynch's Plainsboro Campus, or Prison?

Martha Stewart Quote of the Year: “It's like an old-fashioned college campus — without the freedom, of course.”

Stock Tip: Buy the Company that Makes Zoloft:

According to The New York Times, 23 percent of male brokers on Wall Street “suffer from clinical depression.” The national average is 7 percent.

I Don't Really Want to Fight Anymore:

An agreement undertaken by Merrill Lynch, Smith Barney and UBS to limit legal action when brokers leave firms was met with relief — even from lawyers. “It seems to me there was an awful lot of money going in a circle,” said Providence, R.I.-based attorney William Jacobson.

Well, He Did Invent The Securities Industry:

Al Gore has started Generation Investment Management, a growth fund.

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